Have you ever tried breath meditation motivated by the countless benefits people talk about, yet felt no calm at all? Maybe you practiced a mindful breathing technique for what seemed like an eternity, only to feel disappointed in the end.
To be honest, that has happened to me more often than I’d like to admit. Sometimes I’ve spent an entire hour watching my breath without ever feeling relaxed, calm, centered, or focused.
Why is that? Well, although books say “just watch your breath and you’ll relax,” in my experience, that’s definitely not the case. Something is missing in this instruction.
That missing piece, that key element, is having the intention to allow the breath to relax.
I know, it’s important not to control or do the breath in any way when doing a breath meditation practice. We have to watch the breath as a witness, as if we were observing someone else breathing.
But without having the intention to allow the breath to relax, we are still unconsciously doing the breath or manipulating the breath.
Our mental tensions, anxieties, inner conflicts, and so on are constantly affecting our breathing patterns. So even if we sit to watch the breath for an entire hour, those unconscious mental tensions are still influencing the breath.
This is what I’ve experienced and learned through my daily practice.
Whenever I notice I’m not able to enter a calm and relaxed state of mind, I pay even closer attention to the quality of my breath. And sure enough, it’s still tense and restricted.
So then I mentally remind myself, “Allow your breath to slow down. Allow your breath to relax.”
When I do that, almost immediately, my breath becomes deeper, longer, and softer. Only then do I start to experience a calmer, more relaxed state of mind that’s indispensable for the practice of meditation.
Of course, there are moments when no matter what I do, I’m not able to enter that deep state of relaxation and mental calmness.
That happened often during the last month.
I had to leave Sri Lanka after almost a year and a half. This meant I had to find a new home for three kittens I had rescued and adopted in May last year.
That wasn’t easy at all, logistically and emotionally.
Even though I’d mentally prepared myself for that moment, in the end, the attachment was strong. I wasn’t even able to complete the next lesson of my Beginner’s Online Sanskrit Course.
But that’s perfectly normal. Life challenges are always there to test us. At those times, it’s best to simply accept and surrender, while we keep up with our daily meditation practice.
Eventually, things will get back to normal, and we’ll be able to observe the breath in a more natural way.
But the point that I’m trying to make is that just watching your breath is not enough to enter a deep state of relaxation and calm.
You have to remind yourself to allow the breath to slow down, to become soft, soundless, deep, and continuous. Only then will you be able to enter a deep state of relaxation that leads to meditation.
If you need some guidance, you could try these concentration-based guided meditations that start with a simple mindful breathing technique.
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I hope you’ve found this article useful. Please feel free to share your experience in the comment section below.
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